he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
