everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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