True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
