I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have feelings that need drinking.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
