your parents love me but you hate me
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
