I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
