watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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