hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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