I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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