I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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