she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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