No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize