yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
