cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
