Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
