I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
