p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
