the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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