Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
