Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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