I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize