I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
