oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
