how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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