Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
