guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
