Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize