My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
