In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
