I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
