thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
