Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
