I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
