If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Randomize
