I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
