Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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