so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
