There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Your tits are I can't wait for
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
foreskin is a definite game changer
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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