My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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