I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
