Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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