I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
