There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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