I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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