he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
