her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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