He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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