you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
