He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
