We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
