That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
