We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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