3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
