I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
