Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
