i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
