I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
