when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
