its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
