i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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