I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize