despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
