I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize