Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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