its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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