No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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