12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
