A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize