What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
why do cheetos always look like penises
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
