If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
