This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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