I've blown a few things in my day
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
