I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
