go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
