how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
