Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize