Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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