Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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