Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just pee around me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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