I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
