I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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