Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
