while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
