shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
we're so committed to being not committed
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
