Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
A+ Viking dick
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