My nipple is on Facebook.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
