woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i came on her dog
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
