Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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