At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
