Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
