I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Randomize
