Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
