Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
