Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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