He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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